That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
