it wasn't lemon gatorade
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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