wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
