If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
