I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
