I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
