I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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