i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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