how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
