i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
