I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I enjoy the company of your penis
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