Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize