when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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