if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I could fuck to npr.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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