some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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