HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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