home. puking in laundry basket.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
