I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
