The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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