i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this beer tastes like vomit already
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
