I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize