I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
