i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
