I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
