I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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