he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
