Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
