Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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