I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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