My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
