i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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