you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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