i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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