I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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