whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
