so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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