I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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