Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
