I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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