Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize