Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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