i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
