On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
