If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
