I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
