Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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