eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sext me about skeletons
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
