The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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