Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
