You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
