I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
