We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
whose parrot is this?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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