Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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