you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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