Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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