I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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