I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
