Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
