He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And then the night went full on bisexual.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize