one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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