The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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