i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
