So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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