that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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