I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
