my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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