D3 body, D1 cock
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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