I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
