"it" just moved
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
