we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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