We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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