My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize