I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
