Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
not ubering you a puppy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
