if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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