The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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