i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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