What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
