forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
