Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
