Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
