My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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