Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
