I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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