I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
