Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
