I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize