you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
