brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
