Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize