Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
40s are totally the cure
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
