The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
