i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
