Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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