This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
