Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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