My cat gives me a boner
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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