it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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