Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
