think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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